Mission: Awesomesauce
by Austin Seville
Summary: Out of date spec-ops mission that's still a fun read. Not really CoD, but there's not a better category for it. Old; not revised to current standards. Features a friend from another site, and myself.


I sat in my apartment in U.S. occupied Afghanistan, awaiting assignment to a new mission. Suddenly, the large monitor in my room flickered to life, displaying an old man on the screen.

"General, how are things today?" I asked.

"Not good. I have a mission of dire importance for you. An Army Spec Ops soldier is coming to assist you in the biggest mission of your life," the General replied.

"Let me guess, infiltrating another Taliban base?" I asked.

"Yes, but there's more," The general said. A map appeared on the screen, highlighting an area. "The specified base is here. You are to infiltrate the base as quickly as possible, and locate Osama bin Laden. Bring him back dead or alive."

"Yes sir," I responded.

"Don't fail me," he added.

"Of course not sir, the Taliban don't stand a chance." I replied. "You better hope so" the General said. Then the screen went black.

There was a knock on my door a few minutes later, and I answered it. I opened the door to reveal a thin, well-toned anthro Raichu wearing a thick Kevlar vest, probably four layers, heavy boots, and some other armor. His fur shone brightly in the sun, and his brown hair hung loosely. I recognized him immediately.

"Second Lieutenant Justin Dittrich, I'd hoped we'd get to work together eventually. I'm told you're skilled with that M4 SOPMOD of yours," I said.

"Really?" he asked. I nodded.

"So, what kind of pistol did they give you?" I asked. The second Lieutenant produced an M9 from its holster. "Well, that won't do at all will it?" I said. I produced a Desert Eagle in a holster and handed to him.

"It's about time I got a decent pistol..." he muttered to himself.

"Yes, yes, they do issue some shit here." I said. I walked to the back of my apartment, and donned my long coat. It held many resourceful items, and was a lifesaver in the field.

"When do we move out sir?" Justin asked.

"There'll be none of that 'sir' crap, you got it?" I said sternly. Justin nodded.

"Now, before we go, you must understand that my methods are very unorthodox. Your best off following my lead." I said.

"What makes you think you can just boss me around?" Justin demanded.

"Well, other than the two ranks this." I said. I moved my hand towards him, and suddenly his assault rifle shot out and floated in midair, aimed straight at him. His eyes were wide with shock, fear and awe. I relinquished control of the gun. "Now then, we'd best be going." I said, holding out my hand to him.

"What, are we going to walk out of here holding hands?" he asked. I chuckled.

"You have much to learn Dittrich." I grabbed his hand, and the two of us disapparated. We reappeared inside the gate of the Taliban base, at the entrance. I immediately put my hand over Justin's mouth. "I know we both look like Taliban, just go with it for now. It'll help us get in more quietly." I said. He nodded. As we entered the base, he whispered.

"You're a wizard aren't you?"

"Yes, you catch on quickly," I whispered back. As we walked through the base, we were able to determine that Osama was holding a meeting of the highest remaining Al-Qaeda officials. We headed in that direction, still attracting little to no attention. However, we hit a restricted area about halfway there, and our cover was blown.

Justin unloaded a silenced clip into the guards, and then we continued through the area. I got rid of the disguises, and stepped into the next room. Fifteen guns were pointed at me immediately, but none fired. As my left hand held the Taliban motionless, my right reached into a pocket of my cloak and produced three plasma grenades between its four fingers. I tossed them at the Taliban, and they split apart, killing all of them. Suddenly, a shot rang out from behind me, and an unseen sniper fell from the rafters above.

"Nice kill Lieutenant." I said.

"Thanks." he replied. Moving on, we entered some barracks. Stopping at a closed door, Justin got out a snake cam.

"What're we up against?" I asked.

"Thirty soldiers, armed." he replied.

"Is there a sprinkler system in the room?" I asked. Justin looked back into the camera.

"Yes." He replied.

"Then this will be easy." I said. I whispered my plan to him, and he grinned. Then I kicked down the door.

As I held the guards motionless, Justin Thunderbolted the sprinkler system, setting it off. The water bounced off my waterproof cloak, leaving me unaffected. Water soon began to pool in the room, so I flew up a foot in the air. Justin then unleashed a mighty Thunder attack, frying the guards with electricity. I looked at the blackened Taliban with a pensive glare.

"What?" Justin said, "I like my Taliban well-done!" he said. I chuckled, and we moved on. We passed through the remained of the barracks easily, and arrived outside the conference room. I could see the rotors of a helicopter over the roof.

"Alright, here's the plan. I'm going to cast a cloaking spell on you, making you invisible. Then I'll distract the guards while you maneuver around behind the building and disable that chopper. Then we'll infiltrate the conference room from both sides." I instructed him.

"Roger that." he said. I then cast the spell. I ran out into the courtyard between us and the conference room building, attracting the attention of all the guards. As I stalled them for a minute or so, Justin snuck by. Once I was sure he was out of sight, I froze the guards in their tracks with ice. I quickly went through the crowd, disintegrating their guns. With them taken care of, I walked over to the conference room building, and hid behind a pillar.

As I stood behind the pillar, I changed into what I call "S.W.A.T. mode". I changed from my regular human appearance into that of a Soleon. My cloak disappeared, and was replaced with armor like JD's. My white fur glistened in the sun, and my wings stretched out freely. I loaded a fresh clip into my M468, and loaded my Desert Eagle. Then I waited.

I heard a large explosion, which meant that the chopper was down. I then kicked down the door of the conference room building, freezing all the Al-Qaeda execs in their tracks. They tried to run to the opposite door, but were met by the barrel of Justin's M4.

"Justin, did you disable the chopper?" I asked.

"No, the explosion was fake." He replied. I grinned.

"Good, let's herd them inside." I said. We forced the execs into the chopper, and closed it up.

"I hear you can fly anything." I said to Justin.

"Just about." he replied.

"Alright, take us home, I'll watch the potential hijackers." I said. He nodded, and made his way to the pilot's seat. I sat in the co-pilot's chair, and trained my gun on the prisoners. Deciding flying with terrorists was risky, I cast a spell that put them all to sleep.

As we flew out of the base, we were shot at by old anti-aircraft guns. I shielded the chopper until it was out of range. The rest of the flight home was uneventful. We landed at the U.S. Military base, and were immediately surrounded by troops. They all stared in awe when Justin and I escorted the entire executive board of Al-Qaeda from the chopper. Needless to say, we were given multiple medals.

The next day, the general's face appeared on my TV again.

"Good morning Captain." he said.

"Good Morning General." I replied.

"That was outstanding work yesterday. How did Second Lieutenant Dittrich perform?" the General asked.

"He performed admirably." I replied, "He's very talented."

"Agreed. A letter was delivered to you this morning, you may do the honors of giving Mr. Dittrich the news." The General said.

"Of course sir." I replied. The General nodded and ceased communication. Justin arrived moments later. "You have great timing, you know that?" I remarked.

"That's what people tell me." he said, "Anyway, I wanted to return your pistol to you." he said, holding out the Desert Eagle I'd given him the day before. It wasn't a loan though.

"Keep it Captain, you'll need it for our next mission." I replied, stifling a grin. Justin's jaw dropped in shock. I chuckled lightly. "Well don't just stand there, come in! You'll be boarding with me from now on." I said. He stepped inside, and I closed the door behind him. "Go ahead and take a look at your new sleeping quarters. I've got breakfast when you're done." I said.

"No thanks, I already ate." He replied politely.

"I'm talking about real bacon and eggs, not that old ration garbage. You sure you don't want some?" I asked.

"On second thought, I'll take a plate." he said. Then he made his way back to the bedroom. "Are these memory foam mattresses?!" he asked incredulously.

"Tempur-pedic, yes." I replied. Justin walked back in, sat down, and started to eat.

"Man, I haven't had a meal this good in a while!" he remarked.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore." I said.

"Man, how do you get all this stuff?" he asked. I grinned.

"Magic."


End file.
